rtm

This was a ridiculous yet entertaining parody of Fifty Shades of Grey. The title, the cover, and the author's nom de plume are all allusive indicators of the type of humor found in this book.  My only problem is with this type of humor, the length of it (even though it's not long) made it a struggle to finish, even though I wanted to read on to see what else Fanny Merkin would pull out of his ass hat with these characters.  The two MCs, Ana Steal and Earl Grey, are so absurd and weird, it's a little disturbing but funny as well.  I won't lie.  When I did laugh, I giggled a lot.  There are some scenes that will stay with me forever.  

I did want to post some spoilerish quotes and excerpts describing the type of snarky humor you'll find in this book.  

“I growl with frustration at my reflection in the mirror. My hair is fifty shades messed up. Why is it so kinky and out of control? I need to stop sleeping with it wet. As I brush my long brown hair, the girl in the mirror with the brown eyes too big for her head stares back at me. Wait... my eyes are blue! It dawns on me that I've been staring at a poster of Kristen Stewart for five minutes. My own hair is fine.” 

“He hands me his shopping list and I lead him through the store in search of the item. Duct tape? Plastic wrap? A hack saw? Who is this guy, Dexter?”

“Here’s the aisle with tape.”

“Thank you, Miss Steal,” he says. He picks up the most expensive brand, which runs $3.99 a roll. This guy is a total baller.” 

“I gaze into his gazing eyes gazingly like a gazelle gazing into another gazelle's gazing gaze.”

"You're a mystery to me, baby," he says, biting the tip off the banana. I blush. 
"Oh, stop." 
"No, it's true," he says. "I have no idea what's going on inside that pretty little head of yours..."
"To be honest, I have no idea either," I say, looking down at the table to avoid his powerful gaze. "Most times, my mind is just an ongoing, present-tense first-person monologue. It's like I'm writing a novel, constantly, but only in my brain. A really bad novel."

"I'm a Dungeon Master, Anna."
What? My inner guidette screeches to a halt on her hamster wheel. I have no clue what he's talking about. "What exactly does a Dungeon Master do?"
"I'm into BDSM," he says.
"Is that a workout thing, like Zumba?"
"No, Anna. it's not anything like Zumba. BDSM is a live-action role-playing game : Bards, Dragons, Sorcery and Magick."

“For the first time in my life, I have found my purpose: to be a doormat for this ridiculously wealthy, attractive, impossible to resist man.”